


holding on

by kihyunskitten



Category: JJCC (Band)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, this is jst gay basically, what do i even tag this as
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-25
Updated: 2016-04-25
Packaged: 2018-06-04 12:30:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6657766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kihyunskitten/pseuds/kihyunskitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hadon doesn't want to let go of Joonyoung.</p>
            </blockquote>





	holding on

**Author's Note:**

> doo doo diddly doo i don't like this that much but i don't hate it enough to post it on my abandoned aff account of shame so here u go (also this is rly old so my writing is probably not as good, jst a warning)

"Hadon, please," Joonyoung groaned as his partner shut the door of their shared room in his face. "We need to talk about this," he said through the door, leaning his forehead against it and closing his eyes. "I don't wanna think about it anymore than you do, but it's something we're both going to have to deal with." He sighed quietly, standing there for another minute before the younger opens the door.   
  
"I don't want you to leave," Hadon says, his expression schooled into one of irritation, but Joonyoung could see the arms crossed over his chest shaking just slightly. He could hear the words underneath what was spoken. _I don't want you to leave me._   
  
"Do you think I'm excited about this?" The older sighed as he walked into the room and closed the door behind him. "Do you think I want to leave? It's something I have to do, you _know_  that."   
  
"So _go._  It doesn't matter to me, whatever." Hadon looked away and went to sit on his bed, facing away from the other.   
  
Joonyoung ran a hand through his hair, sighing as he sat down on the same bed, facing away from his partner. "You know we need to talk about this."   
  
"No we don't," Hadon replies, his tone clipped. "You're going to leave. We know that. Conversation over."   
  
"Conversation so _not_  over," Joonyoung shifts his body so he's sitting facing the younger's back. "We both know you're more emotional about this than you're pretending you are."   
  
"Says who?"   
  
"Says the fact that you can't look me in the eye and tell me you're fine," he sighs, walking over the bed on his knees to sit behind Hadon and wrap his arms around him. Leaning his head on the younger's shoulder, he closes his eyes and exhales before whispering. "I don't want to leave you either."   
  
And that's it. Hadon starts shaking, Uncrossing his arms so he can wrap them around his partner's, turning to bury his face in his neck so he couldn't see him cry.   
  
"Shh, it's gunna be okay," the older sighs as he holds Hadon to his chest, combing his fingers through his hair to soothe him. "We're gunna get through this. It's okay."   
  
"It's not," Hadon says as silent sobs make his voice come out shaky. "It's not okay, I," he trails off and holds onto him tighter, "I don't want you to go. I don't know what I'm gunna do."   
  
"I know, baby, I know." He kisses the top of the younger's head and cradles him in his arms. "I don't wanna leave you alone, but it's something we have to do."   
  
There was silence in the room except for Hadon's shaky breathing. The older nuzzled his nose into the younger's hair, kissing the top of his head. There were so many things he wanted to ask him, wanted to beg him. _Will you wait for me? Do you know I love you? I'll never stop loving you._   
  
But he couldn't say any of these things. He didn't want to hurt Hadon more by asking for impossible things, or for dumping even more serious emotions into what was already a mess. Of course he loved him, and he hoped Hadon knew it. Though he'd never said it aloud for fear of rejection, he hoped that stolen kisses in the dark and silent cuddling at three in the morning said enough.   
  
"At least I'm not leaving immediately," he said instead, hooking his index finger under Hadon's chin so their eyes met. The younger's eyes were red and wet and his hair was messy, and Joonyoung had never seen anyone more beautiful in his life. He leaned down to connect their lips, trying to pour all of his emotions out into it. Trying to make Hadon understand with the kiss all the things he couldn't bring himself to say.  _I love you. I'll never stop thinking about you while I'm away. When the time comes for you to leave, I'll wait for you._

**Author's Note:**

> well boy howdy that was gay! leave kudos/comments if you are so inclined, i love me some validation!
> 
> (also in case u wanna know the working title for this, it was literally 'a gay mess')


End file.
